2nd Annual “Ways to Beat the Heat”
August 8th, 2007It’s that time of the year again Ladies and Gents. It’s the time on roblathan.com where we play, “Ways to Beat the Heat.” Last year we offered you this sound advice. And this year we have even more ideas up our sleeves. So let’s get started.
1. Throw Away Your AC Unit. And instead, invite your Super named Papa to come over and blow air on your forehead every 5 minutes or so while you sleep.
2. Cook a Turkey. Crank up your oven to at least 500 degrees or however high it’s supposed to be in order to cook a turkey. Then put the turkey in, and check it’s progress every three minutes or so by opening up the oven door and feeling around inside.
3. Sign Up For Your Local Summer Luge Team. You know the one that practices in the summer by wearing a full luge outfit. And since there isn’t a luge track around, play a game of softball instead. But still keep your luge outfit on. After all, it’s a luge team, not a softball team.
4. Even Though It’s Not Halloween, Dress Up For Halloween as Mr. Met. Then walk around to people’s doors asking them for candy. When they look at you funny, get all hot and bothered and sprint away to the next apartment.
5. Practice Your Speed And Agility By Doing Some Suicide Sprints Across the Van Wyck Expressway.
6. Walk Across Hot Coals. Then get all cocky that you just walked across hot coals and now start moon-walking across them. Then get even more cocky and start doing the worm across them. Keep doing this until you’re severely burned and have to go to the hospital.
7. Get Confused and Think That You Can Order a Subway Sandwich in the Subway. So now you can go up to the guy working in one of those subway booths and say, “Yeah, can I get a Spicy Italian on whole wheat with lettuce, tomato, mayo, mustard, oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, and some olives.” Then when he says, “This is not a restaurant, the subway is closed today due to flooding”, get really mad and say, “I’m not leaving this subway station until I get my sandwich!” Then stay down there for a really long time, occasionally glancing over at the guy in the booth and smirking at him awkwardly.
8. Instead of Joining the Polar Bear Club, Join the Polar Bear on a Treadmill Club. That’s the one where you dress up in a Polar Bear costume and get on a treadmill for at least 30 minutes or until they kick you out of the gym. Then go to another gym.
9. Put On a 70’s Style Suit and Join the Conga Line that’s Parading thru Times Square. It’s the one that’s being led by Buster Poindexter as he belts out his hit song, “Feeling Hot Hot Hot.” Feel free to join in on the “Hot Hot Hot” part while you shake your hands around in a dazzling fashion.
10. Walk to Work.