Great Moments in Evite Replies

December 12th, 2006

The holiday season is a busy time for parties. That also means it’s a busy time for Evites. For some, this might seem stressful: “What should I write in my reply?”  I never have to worry about this because I am the king of all Evite replies. My replies are by far the wittiest, sharpest, funniest and down right most brilliant replies that have ever existed. Don’t believe me? Well take a gander at some of these Evite gems I’ve used in the past:

1. “I’ll be there…with balls on!” 

Most people are aware of the more common reply, “I’ll be there…with bells on!” Well I switched that up a little – changing ”bells” to “balls.” So now it’s not only hilarious and enthusiastic, but it’s also very true (since I do indeed own a pair of balls.) I first used this phrase in December of 2000 and have been getting positive feedback for it ever since.

2. “I’m coming dressed up like a turd!!!!”

I first used this reply for a Halloween party in 2002. It was even more funny when I really did show up to the party dressed up like a giant brown turd.

3. ”Jason Stuckey is a douchebag!”

I whipped out this zinger for my friend Jason’s baby shower. It’s also sort of a double entrendre because Jason works for his Father-in-law’s company that makes ladies’ douches.

4. “Sorry, can’t make it…I have another function that night in which I will totally be doing your Mom.”                     

I wrote this one for a 4th of July party where I didn’t really know the guy throwing it. It was a friend of a friend. But I figured, what the hell, I’ll write it anyway. Little did I know that the guy’s Mom was actually in the hospital recovering from breast cancer. I didn’t get invited back to the party the following year, but it was still worth it.

5. “Suck it!”

If it takes me a while to think of something to write, or if I’m really busy at work, I’ll just put this on my reply. So far it has never let me down.

Okay that’s that. Hopefully you’ve all learned something here. Any others out there I’ve missed?  

2 Responses to “Great Moments in Evite Replies”

  1. DGenetos Says:

    I’m coming dressed up like a turd with balls and doing your douchebag mom. Suck it!

  2. BR Says:

    Hi, I thought I should let you know that your speed eating (at the 2001 Mr. Lower East Side pageant) is posted on youtube. By me. Hopefully you’ll be a hit. Tell your friends.

    If this is a problem for you (but why should it be?), I’ll take it down.

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