Hipster Doofus
August 14th, 2006On Sunday, I went to a free concert in Williamsburg, Brooklyn at the now abandoned McCarren Park Pool. The pool was built exactly 70 years ago (there’s an article in today’s NY Times) as part of the WPA Project, so that thousands of New Yorkers could escape the sweltering heat during the Great Depression:
These days, the abandoned pool is filled with thousands upon thousands of Williamsburg hipsters. At the start of the concert I quickly realized that, no matter how hard I try, I’ll never, ever be considered a hipster. First off, I can’t keep track of the ever-changing cool “indie” bands out there. Sundays lineup included: Deerhoof, Beirut, Apollo Sunshine, and the Harlem Shakes. (But at least, for a brief moment, I out hipstered Will Hines when he mistakenly referred to the band Deerhoof as “Roof Shark”.) Secondly, I’m not dedicated enough to constantly maintain my sweet, sweet looking facial hair. Not only do I not have the ability to grow this sweet looking facial hair, but more importantly, it would be way too itchy and uncomfortable – especially in the summertime.
In addition to hipped out music and awesome looking facial hair, the concert also offered…dodgeball. I eagerly signed up for this. I figured maybe this will be my way to dominate the hipsters. While their sweet-ass mutton chops slowed them down, I could pick them apart one by one by channeling my glory days in 5th grade P.E. Sadly, this did not happen. I was taken out of the game literally within the first 5 seconds. When the whistle blew I sprinted to the middle of the court, only to get immediately pelted by a crouching hipster with a cigarette dangling from his mouth. “You’re out,” he casually mumbled to me. And I shamefully walked to the sidelines.
Things brightened up for me, though, when none other than ?uestlove, the drummer and leader of The Roots, got on stage and began laying down some DJ tracks. I’ve always been a big fan of ?uestlove (pronounced Questlove), especially after watching him in Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. Sunday definitely confirmed my adoration. After his DJ stint was over, ?uestlove even came over to the dodgeball area and began snapping photos of us. So if you get a hold of his flickr account, maybe you’ll see a photo of me getting pelted in the face by a red rubber ball and making the same expression I’ve grown to live with: doofus.