Hey Dork
April 14th, 2006I now realize I can title any picture of mine as “Hey Dork” and it’ll work.
So anyway I played Moses last night at a Seder show at Mo Pitkins. Basically my bit was the standard Latham routine of “character telling jokes about how his arch nemisis totally blows”. In this case Moses’ jokes were directed at Pharoah. Very cutting stuff. And topical too. I wore a bath robe, a grey wig, a big bushy white beard and held a giant staff. Here’s a picture of me getting ready backstage:
Hey Dork
We actually did two shows. One at 6:30. And one at 9:30. All of the other performers were really funny. Me and this girl named Lang were the only two non-Jews. But the rest of the Jew-cast actually accepted us into their Seder world in their own Jewwy kind of way, which I don’t know what that means. Besides the show, we got free food, free wine and even got paid $20. Eighty more of these shows and I’ll be able to pay this month’s rent.
April 22nd, 2006 at 2:04 pm
I would like some examples of the Pharoah jokes, asswiper. Thanks in advance.
April 24th, 2006 at 3:37 pm
You asked for it, Murls. And you get it. Here’s my entire “Moses” set:
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How’s everybody doing tonight? Nice night huh? Ah, the Seder. My favorite time of year. Good food, good wine and good women. Hey I should know. I’ve totally boned my multiple wives a few times in my day if ya know what I’m talking about. Bill Paxton in HBO’s “Big Love” ain’t got nuthin’ on me. But enough about that. What I’m here to talk to you about is….
What’s the deal with Pharoah? I’ll tell you what the deal is. The guy’s a fuckin’ pansy. Am I right people?
Here’s my impression of a Pharoah trying to part the Red Sea. (Holds up arm and speaks in whiney voice) “Oh I can’t part the Red Sea! It’s too big! And what if I get all wet? I don’t want to ruin my Pharoah outfit! Waah! Waah!” Fuck that! It’s easy to part the Red Sea. You just raise your arms and it parts. Bang! Like that! One of the easiest miracles I’ve ever performed! What a pansy that Pharoah is!
Here’s my impression of Pharoah talking to a burning bush. “What? There’s a burning bush that’s talking to me? That’s kind of weird! I better go home and cry to Mommy! Wah! Wah!” That’s bullshit! It’s perfectly natural to talk to a burning bush. I do it all the time. Burning bushes are great conversationalists. And they’re good with directions when I’m lost in the desert. Pansy-ass Pharoah!
Hey check out this other zinger I got about Pharoah…
A blonde, a Polack and a Pharoah are hiding up in a tree from the Germans during WWII. Guess who blows their cover? Ya think it’s the Blonde? Or the Polack? Wrong! It’s Pharoah. He’s like, “Hey Germans, I’m scared of heights cause I’m a pansy, can you get us out of this tree?” So the Germans look up and blow them all to smithereens. Way to go, Pharoah! Ya frickin’ moron!
There might be some Pharoah’s sitting amongst us tonight. See, anybody can be a Pharoah. So here’s a little checklist to see if you’re a Pharoah.
If instead of receiving the Torah from God on Mount Sinai you receive a Highlights Magazine from some nurse at Mount Sinai Hospital…. because you’re a pansy-ass who’s constantly sick….you might be a Pharoah.
This guy knows what I’m talking about!
If you think Moses Malone, the star center for the Philadelphia 76ers in the early eighties, could beat me, Moses Amram, in a game of one and one….ya might be a Pharoah. And ya might be wrong too! I’ve got mad skilzz!
And finally, if instead of leading the Exodus out of Egypt and into the Holy Land, you’d rather listen to the song “Exodus” by Bob Marley on your iPod… you might be a Pharoah.