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Yesterday I got my taxes done at a place in Brooklyn called Joe’s Taxes. It’s not related at all to Joe’s Pizza. But that would be cool if it was. They should totally combine the two, so you could eat pizza while somebody did your taxes. Maybe I’ll start something like that up. Call it Joe’s Pizza and Taxes.

Anyway, I think the guy who did my taxes was the son of Joe, the owner. And he was definitely what I’d like to call a “Hot Shot Accountant”. He was eating a hot stromboli sandwich the entire time he went through my taxes. And he continued to eat while he asked me about items I could deduct. Joe Jr.: “Take any classes?” Me: “Yeah”. Joe Jr. (takes bite): “How ’bout travelin’ expenses? Did ya fly anywhere?” Me: “Yeah a little bit.” Joe Jr.: “Good. Good.” (takes bite) He never wrote any of this info down or typed anything into his computer. He just kept on eating and keeping it all in his head. Finally at the end he said, “All right, here’s your final number. If you didn’t go with me, you’d owe the Government $1,200. But because you did go through me, the Government owes you $50.” I have no idea how he came up with that number, but I’ll take his word for it. He was that good.

The NY State Taxes was a different story. I now owe NY State $900. Joe Jr.:”Yeah, can’t help you with those. Ya gotta put zeroes in there when ya fillin’ out ya W4. Ya can’t be puttin’ ones down! Look at all these ones! That’s when the goverment screws ya!” I always feel stupid in these situations. “Why did I put a one down? Man, I’m such an idiot!” But if I learned anything, it was that taxes are basically arbitrary. It seems like you can just put down whatever number you want. That’s why having a slice of pizza would be nice while you filled out your taxes. Or a hot stromboli sandwich.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 6th, 2006 at 11:10 am and is filed under Uncategorized.