Holy F-Bomb, Give Me Something to Do
March 16th, 2006I mean really. Look at the post I made before this. Seriously, look at it. I made a fake baseball box score full of historical figures from America and Mexico during the mid-to-late eighteen hundreds. And it took me all day to do. That’s the state of boredom I’m in right now. I even included their fake stats. Abe Lincoln had 63 home runs at that poing during the fake season I made up. Walt Whitman had an earned run average of 3.33. Not bad, Walt. Benito Juarez was batting .363 with 67 RBIs for Mexico. Pretty solid stats there, Benito.
Somebody help me. Please. Give me something. Otherwise I might resort to doing something even more wastefull of my time… like creating fake bowling scores for eighteenth century Russian czars. Wait a second, that actually might be a good idea….
March 16th, 2006 at 2:16 am
Conversation topics/goals:
1. “The Industrial Revolution was neither ‘Industrial’ nor a ‘Revolution’. Discuss.”
2. “Niki, um, do we have to invite all of your family to the reception?”
3. What is the appropriate time one should spend in the “donation” room at a sperm bank/fertility clinic before emerging with your spoils in hand?
4. Finish reading ‘Infinite Jest’ without the Internet Cliff’s Notes. *
5. Ask Niki why she doesn’t want to fly out to see her niece/god-daughter. Try not to laugh when she cannot provide an answer.
6. Find a way to insert Wilco into commercials. Especially the epic-length “Less Than You Think”. That, or Liz Phair’s “Flower”.
7. Discuss with tenured faculty the frequency of your daughter’s bowel movements and how, even though they occur roughly once a day yet with the force of the Red Sea parting, such is actually not that uncommon. In fact, according to certain Canadian pediatricians, the optimal time between movements is a fortnight or two. Then realize that you just spent 3 minutes discussing your daughter’s bowel movements with tenured professors. **
* You can skip the Eschaton section.
**Dibs on that.