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So I finally get a paying gig where I’m supposed do voice-over bits for various radio stations all over the country, which I’m psyched about. The only problem is the gig requires that I have a land line phone. So yesterday I call up Verizon and order a land line. I then call up the voice-over booking place and tell them I’m ready to go, and they book me for two radio stations to call this morning. But when I hook up my phone it doesn’t work. Apparently it takes 3 business days for service to get turned on. Now I have two radio stations to call with no phone.

So I go to my gym to let some steam off. While doing a few squat thrust lunges I try to think of various ways to get access to a land line. Maybe I could sneak into my old office? Or shimmy over the ledge into my neighbors apartment? Or why don’t I hold up Verizon at gun point and demand that they turn on my phone immediately? (Desperate times call for desperate measures.) And then it hits me, why don’t I make the calls from THE GYM? So I ask the manager at the gym in the least creepy way possible if I can borrow their office phones to make some calls to a few radio stations in the morning. Amazingly he says yes.

And so this morning, I get up at 6 am, go to my gym, explain the same scenario to a woman at the counter who has no idea what I’m talking about, convince her to let me borrow somebody’s office by saying “Tony OK’d last night”, and call up WVKS in Toledo. Andrew Z, the morning DJ, instructs me that I am to act like a husband who has read his wife’s diary without her consent. And then we go live, and I play the husband. And some actress who is playing my wife, and is probably calling from who knows what other city (but probably not from a gym), starts yelling at me for reading her diary. And then a lot of angry housewives from Toledo call up the station and yell at me. But I don’t care since I finally have a paying gig (though not much pay). And when it’s over I hang up, thank the woman at the counter, and then leave the gym.

Then at 11 am I do it all over again. Only this time I call WWMX in Baltimore. JoJo, the DJ there, instructs me to act like a little league baseball coach who is outraged at a new rule that requires little-leaguers to wear goggles and a face mask. And so I do. And that’s that. Just a typical day at the office. Or in this case, gym. And without even breaking a sweat.

Bebe (Spanish) - 3rd person singular form for the verb “to drink”.

So I went to Vegas this weekend for my bachelor party. I had never been before, but I can pretty much say that I totally ruled that town. At least 3 or 4 casinos were put out of business after I got through with them at the blackjack table. They really had no idea what hit ‘em.

Wellllll…. actually, I think Vegas probably got the best of me. I’m probably not the best gambler out there. My idea of counting cards is to count how many there are in front of me. If there are two cards in front of me, I’m good to go. But even that gets tough since in my inebriated state each card looked like three cards. So I had to always divide by three. And I’ve never been good at long division.

After my trip, I’ve come to the conclusion that Vegas’s slogan should be changed to:

What Happens in Vegas….. Gets Taken Out of Your Bank Account.

I’m going to send it to the Las Vegas Tourism Board and see what they say.

The leaves on the trees,
um…

(And time.)

Guess what folks? Tomorrow is Laundry Day! Yes!!! I’m already looking forward to it. Niki and I have it all planned out. Back when we both had jobs we would just drop off our bags at the local laundry mat. And they would wash and fold everything for us. But now since we’re both unemployed, we figured we’d do it ourselves to save some money. We bought detergent and fabric softener from the Dollar Store. And we’re even planning to use rolls of quarters to pay for it all. Can’t wait!

What are some activities we can do while we’re waiting for the clothes to get washed?

I mean really. Look at the post I made before this. Seriously, look at it. I made a fake baseball box score full of historical figures from America and Mexico during the mid-to-late eighteen hundreds. And it took me all day to do. That’s the state of boredom I’m in right now. I even included their fake stats. Abe Lincoln had 63 home runs at that poing during the fake season I made up. Walt Whitman had an earned run average of 3.33. Not bad, Walt. Benito Juarez was batting .363 with 67 RBIs for Mexico. Pretty solid stats there, Benito.

Somebody help me. Please. Give me something. Otherwise I might resort to doing something even more wastefull of my time… like creating fake bowling scores for eighteenth century Russian czars. Wait a second, that actually might be a good idea….

So we’ve got the World Baseball Classic going on right now that has people just glued to their TV sets. But this isn’t the first time the great US of A has participated in the event. It’s a little known fact that shortly after its invention baseball was actually used as a means to negotiate land agreements between countries. This was actually how the U.S. expanded its territories during the “Manifest Destiny” times of the mid to late eighteen hundreds. Lucky for you I’ve unearthed an old Box Score from a heated game between the USA and Mexico in which the winner would get to annex Texas:
——————————————————————————————
USA (8) VS MEXICO (7) - FINAL

USA———–ab-r-h-rbi-bb-avg
D Crockett rf 3 2 1 0 1 .333
M Twain 2b 4 1 3 1 0 .563
A Lincoln 1b 4 1 3 4 0 .588
T Roosevelt dh 4 1 2 2 0 .368
A Doubleday 3b 4 0 0 0 0 .257
JP Morgan c 4 0 1 1 0 .333
Geronimo cf 4 1 3 0 0 .432
PT Barnum lf 2 0 0 0 1 .278
ph-T Edison lf 1 0 0 0 0 .073
H Mellville ss 4 2 2 0 0 .385

Totals———-32 8 15 8 2

BATTING: HR - Lincoln (62, 63), Roosevelt (42). RBI - Lincoln 4 (124), Roosevelt 2 (98), Twain 1 (76), Morgan 1 (85).

PITCHING————ip h r er bb so hr era
W Whitman (W15-6) 6 4 2 2 1 2 1 3.33
US Grant 1 3 2 2 1 1 2 5.00
W Hickock 1/3 1 3 3 3 1 0 8.86
EA Poe 2/3 0 0 0 0 2 0 0.00
M Van Buren (S, 32) 1 1 0 0 0 3 0 1.37

MEXICO——–ab r h rbi bb avg
S Gonzalez cf 2 2 1 0 2 .367
B Juarez lb 4 1 1 1 0 .363
Montezuma dh 4 1 2 2 0 .488
El Guapo 3b 3 1 1 3 1 .368
P Villa 2b 4 0 0 0 0 .287
E Zapata ss 4 0 1 1 0 .333
H Cortes c 3 1 1 0 1 .232
L Bamba lf 3 0 0 0 1 .278
D Rivera rf 2 1 1 0 0 .385
ph-S Hayek 1 0 1 0 0 .573

Totals———–32 7 9 7 5

BATTING: HR - Guapo (49), Montezuma (38). RBI - Guapo 3 (101), Montezuma 2 (89), Juarez 1 (67), Zapata 1 (73). SB - Gonzalez 6 (137).

PITCHING————ip h r er bb so hr era
F Valenzuela 6 4 4 3 1 2 0 2.98
O De La Hoya (L 0-9) 1/3 7 4 4 0 0 3 12.45
M Hidalgo Y Castilla 1 2 0 0 1 1 0 4.32
C Marin 1 2 0 0 0 1 0 2.47
T Chong 1 0 0 0 0 1 0 3.37
————————————————————————————
What’s your favorite game from the old World Baseball Classics of the past?

It’s 1:22 am and I’m in my second viewing of a Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band concert from 1975 in London on PBS that I DVR’d (Is DVR a verb yet? Like on the level of Tivo? It should be.) And I gotta tell ya, if I could go back in time I would have completely thrown away my decision to be breast fed back in 1975 in order to be a member of the E Street Band. Those dudes were rockin’ like no others.

One thing that ocurred to me while I was watching it though was how the hell did “Miami” Stevie Van Zandt get his nickname “Miami”? I mean the guy’s from Jersey, right? But then it hit me, whoever came up with that nickname was a genius. You can’t go wrong with a “city” nickname. Just stick any old Americano city in front of your name and you will instantly become a complete baddass. I should have done this years ago. Why not do it now? Which city nickname should I go with?

-”Cleveland” Rob Lathan
-”Las Vegas” Rob Lathan
-”San Antonio” Rob Lathan
-”Denver” Rob Lathan
-”Spokane” Rob Lathan
-”Grand Rapids” Rob Lathan
-”Fort Wayne” Rob Lathan

Judah from the roblathan.com marketing department said I haven’t had many comments to my posts since the Suga’Babes fiasco. So let’s see how many comments we can get here. You can post about any and everything here. Bits are encouraged. We just need to drive traffic here for corporate purposes I can explain later. So post away!

I don’t think I really need an iPod since I constantly have songs playing at full volume inside of my very own head. The problem with my iHead is that it sometimes gets stuck on the same song on repeat. Today, that song is “On the Wings of Love” by Jeffrey Osbourne. No matter how hard I try to delete it or skip to the next song, it’s there and it won’t go away. I even tried taking my iHead to the Apple Store to be checked out. But the dudes at the Genius Bar looked at me kinda’ funny.

What’s your iHead song of the day?