Zen and the Art of Karaoke

February 27th, 2006

Believe it or not there is a science to good karaoke. It’s all about picking the right song for the right audience. Now I do not possess this ability. But I do know someone who in fact does. His name is Karaoke Kevin (or Karaoke Kev for short). And he can pick the perfect karaoke song to be sung for any occasion. He’s sort of like the guys in City Slickers who have the power to pick the perfect ice cream flavor for any meal.

I must say, however, that Karaoke Kev also can’t himself but behave in the same arrogant manner as those guys in City Slickers. So make sure your dilemma is urgent. One time I called him up to ask him for karaoke advice and I got this response:
Karaoke Kev: “Well what’s the occasion?”
Me: “It’s an office party for somebody who’s leaving.”
Karaoke Kev: “And what’s the guy-girl ratio?”
Me: “Probably 2-1 girls to guys”.
Karaoke: “A scoop of Journey. A scoop of Lionel Richie. Don’t waste my time.”
(Then he hung up.)

But another time it was a more urgent matter. I was at a karaoke bar in Chinatown and I was simply at a loss for what song I should sing. It was a really important event in which a lot of karaoke talent scouts and other “industry” people were in the audience. Desperately I phoned Karaoke Kev and asked for his advice. Karaoke Kev paused for what seemed like ages and then said these words to me, “When in doubt, go with Seger”.

And so I did. I sang the Bob Seger classic, “Katmandu” to a rousing ovation. It was, without a doubt, THE hit of the night. So whenever you’re in a bind to pick out the perfect karaoke song, I’d take that advice to heart: “When in doubt, go with Seger”.

One Response to “Zen and the Art of Karaoke”

  1. D Genetos Says:

    I go with the SugaBabes. On stilts.

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