A Momentary Lapse of Reason

January 25th, 2006

A pretty good album by Pink Floyd. As well as a recurring theme in my life. On Monday before my show at UCB I opened up my prop box only to realize that a gallon of milk had exploded all over my various velvet jackets, mullett wigs, fake mustaches and other useful props in my show. The gallon of milk was a prop in of itself which I used for my “speed eating” routine. I figured just like my trusty ole fake mustache, the gallon of milk would maintain the same shape, size and comedic purpose througout my show’s run. But after about 30 days of sitting around I learned that a gallon of milk will expand and explode and cover every inch of material that gets in its path. And it will smell real bad.

I was not in science class on the day this was taught. And I wasn’t aware of this information. When I got home Niki wanted me to make sure I didn’t accidentally leave a gallon of milk hiding out somewhere in the other prop box I keep under my bed in my apartment. (Side note: If you’re 30 years old and you keep two prop boxes around, you have officially failed in life.*) So I checked under my bed and luckily didn’t find any gallons of milk. Still I can’t help but wonder if I should notify the MoMa about that gallon of milk with an expiration date of June 04, 1982 that I accidentally left in their storage closet next to some Picasso’s. But I’m sure it’ll be fine.

*I actually own 3 prop boxes. So maybe that reverses the “2 prop box=failure in life” theory and thus I am now actually a complete badass in life. I just phoned the comic The Amazing Jonathan and he confirmed the “3 prop box=complete badass” theory. (Carrot Top’s people wouldn’t return my calls.)

One Response to “A Momentary Lapse of Reason”

  1. mitch Says:

    I can attest to the properties of milk.

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