Dude, I Was Robbed
November 16th, 2005Yesterday I was robbed. Not by judges. Or sportswriters. Or the Academy. But by a real live burglar. You know the ones with ski masks and crowbars? Well those guys robbed me. Except instead of holding me up at gun point or breaking down my door, they simply walked down my building’s fire escape from the rooftop, slide open my window, grabbed my laptop and Niki’s digital camera, and left. The laptop was unintentionally well hidden under a pile of clothes on a chair in a corner of my bedroom. So it was a little weird they found it, since they took nothing else and it looked like nothing was tampered with or anything. I’m thinking it was probably somebody who either lives in the building or works in the building. But who knows? At this stage I’m not ruling out diehard fans of The SugaBabes. Maybe they thought they could get a first glimpse of the new SugaBabes video on my laptop or something?
Whoever robbed me, I hope they’re enjoying all of my “Jerry Foxworthy” sketches, as well as the footage of me wearing a neckbrace on CNN Talk Back Live. It would give me great solace to think they were sitting around watching my comedy shorts saying to themselves, “You know what? This guy is pretty funny. Hey Bruce, check it out! Now he’s in this Kids Show, and everybody keep punching him in the balls. That’s hilarious! Let’s return his laptop. Maybe he can do some jokes for us.”
In your dreams, Latham.
November 16th, 2005 at 7:07 pm
Dude… that fucking sucks.
November 17th, 2005 at 9:54 am
Holy crap! That’s terrible. I hate burglars so much. You’ve only had that laptop like 2 months! And Niki’s camera. This city is full of vermin!
November 17th, 2005 at 10:29 am
When I first moved to NYC I lived in Astoria, and I was robbed the same way. Except everything I own was dumped on the floor. They took my laptop, DVD player, stereo and my pillowcases (to help haul it?)…so I bolted my window shut (breaking fire code violations.). 6 months later they broke my window and robbed me again.
Now anytime I have a fire escape I get bars put up.
Sorry you got robbed.
Sugababes rule!
November 17th, 2005 at 12:31 pm
I hadn’t posted to that improv message board in a while, so little did I know that it would email me when people responded to a thread I posted on! It said you did it! Then I looked and saw a link to your site and read this funny/sad posting. I got my house broken into and that was scary but they didn’t take anything other than my sense of peace and comfort in my home. Sorry about your SugaBabes. I’d be so angry. Are you angry?
See ya at the show . . .
November 17th, 2005 at 5:20 pm
Hey man, I bought your new
today. It is hilarious! I like your hat.
November 17th, 2005 at 5:22 pm
Hey man, I bought your new DVD collection today. It is hilarious! I like your hat.
(Sorry about fucking that up the first time.)
November 17th, 2005 at 5:44 pm
Thanks for the condolences, guys and gals. I had no idea you got robbed like that, Kevin. That sucks. Same with you, Heather. But at least they didn’t take nothing from you. The weird part about mine was that the robbers didn’t mess anything up at all. It took me a while to realize anything was taken. But I guess that’s how these SugaBabes’ fans operate.
And I appreciate you purchasing my comedy box set, Zach. It is chock full of the most hilarious comedy you’ve ever seen. And by the way, I play every part.
November 17th, 2005 at 6:28 pm
Sux, Robbie!
Now I’m paranoid ’cause I live in a shitty neighborhood and I don’t have any bars on my windows. Or renters insurance.
November 18th, 2005 at 4:27 pm
Thanks Mitchums. Ya better keep a Lousville Slugger handy.
November 28th, 2005 at 10:36 pm
mitch, you should really get some renters insurance. AND bars.
just thought i’d take advantage of this public forum to say that.
sorry about the breakin, rob.
November 29th, 2005 at 6:41 pm
No problemo Kaveri. I need to get bars all over myself so I don’t get robbed. Like maybe over my back pocket.
January 24th, 2006 at 10:30 am
As a an 8th round draft pick of The San Francisco 49ers you will be able to replace at least half of your missing stuff if not more.