Yesterday I was robbed. Not by judges. Or sportswriters. Or the Academy. But by a real live burglar. You know the ones with ski masks and crowbars? Well those guys robbed me. Except instead of holding me up at gun point or breaking down my door, they simply walked down my building’s fire escape from the rooftop, slide open my window, grabbed my laptop and Niki’s digital camera, and left. The laptop was unintentionally well hidden under a pile of clothes on a chair in a corner of my bedroom. So it was a little weird they found it, since they took nothing else and it looked like nothing was tampered with or anything. I’m thinking it was probably somebody who either lives in the building or works in the building. But who knows? At this stage I’m not ruling out diehard fans of The SugaBabes. Maybe they thought they could get a first glimpse of the new SugaBabes video on my laptop or something?
Whoever robbed me, I hope they’re enjoying all of my “Jerry Foxworthy” sketches, as well as the footage of me wearing a neckbrace on CNN Talk Back Live. It would give me great solace to think they were sitting around watching my comedy shorts saying to themselves, “You know what? This guy is pretty funny. Hey Bruce, check it out! Now he’s in this Kids Show, and everybody keep punching him in the balls. That’s hilarious! Let’s return his laptop. Maybe he can do some jokes for us.”
In your dreams, Latham.